Nick Ascroft is a bogan dandy from Ōamaru. He has published two books of poetry through Victoria University Press, From the Author Of (2000) and Nonsense (2003), and has a third forthcoming late in 2016, Back with the Human Condition. He has been half of a Burns Fellow and twice highly commended in the Kathleen Grattan Prize without actually winning it or whatnot. He was the host of the Glottis poetry nights in Dunedin for many years and had to physically remove poets from the microphone on more than one occasion, literally stopping poetry for the good of all. Also in 2016 his football book How to Win at Five-a-Side … Without Getting Any Fitter will be published by Bloomsbury UK.